Calling all you basic gluten-free hipster vegan snobs! Step right up for our overpriced, uninteresting crap we pass off as food to gullible morons like you. And don't worry - it's ALLLL organic!
$25 grass smoothies? Right over here!
$8 toast with avocado barfed all over? Look no further!
$15 leaky cardboard box with 4 cubes of dry chicken, a pinch of boiled rice and baby tomatoes pickled in locally-harvested brake fluid? We got you, fam!
Hurry on over to wait 30 minutes for a meal that will leave your wallet empty, your stomach still rumbling and your poop full of $10 organic steel cut oats.