My wife insisted I start a gluten free diet because she thinks my limbs look swollen and my stomach bloated. So I started shopping at Whole Foods, but I can't seem to avoid the wicked temptation of the hot bar, where the chicken wings incessantly whisper my name and the pulled pork consistently mocks me. Now I have developed a meat intolerance and my cholesterol is high. Fortunately, my wife doesn't know about these new shame-stricken health developments so please don't tell her.